01.24.2009

It is 5:30 am on a Saturday morning. I woke up about half an hour ago to the boys moving around in my tummy. With my first pregnancy I would be rather annoyed that I was missing sleep, but these days I find myself celebrating the small victories. I feel like “Yes! They are moving. Praise God!”

It was determined this week that we most likely have Selective Interuterine Growth Restriction (SIUGR). Our small son, Aaron, does not have the access to the placenta that, James (our “normal" guy) has. Therefore he does not receive as much nourishment. In extreme cases, the smaller twin dies in-utero before the babies can be safely delivered. Since I have one placenta (many identical twins share the placenta), the boys share many veins that connect the two of them. Historically as the smaller baby develops his cord blood flow generally slows, reverses or stops as the babies grow older. If our case becomes extreme, we have been told that if Aaron passes away, then James will most likely die as well or have severe neurological damage. This is due to the shared vasculature that connects the boys’ blood supply. If one passed away, it leaves the healthy twin to pump blood for two babies. At least this is my understanding, there could be more or less to this.

We had two ultrasounds this week. I will tell you about the second (which occurred on Friday) as the results were the same as the first, but my counseling was more hopeful with the second physician. Aaron, our smaller son, was moving up a storm and producing more amniotic fluid than ever (even more than Tuesday). The amniotic fluid is a sign his kidneys are working and he is urinating. He does have “abnormal” cord blood flow. It may be due to his small size (I was told he looks about 17 weeks – I am 21 weeks along) or it may just be abnormal. Anyway, the victory we are clinging to is that he is currently a medical anomaly. Normally there is low movement to absent movement and low urine output before there is low cord blood flow. I was told our little guy is doing everything he can to survive and say I am fighting here. Our physician said that if this baby has compromised blood flow, you would know it!

Currently, our goal (which seems crazy under normal circumstances) is to make it as far as we can into the pregnancy before delivery (right now we are shooting for 28 weeks and hopefully farther). I am 21 weeks and Lord willing we will make it past 30 weeks. Our physician mentioned that it is possible to deliver James and then leave Aaron inside of me for a month or two. I have no idea if this will be a real option when the time comes, but it is hopeful that it may be a possibility.

Right now we are celebrating the small victories and hoping for more. I am very aware that the next ultrasound could bear bad news, but it doesn’t help to think about it. I am trying to enjoy our boys every day, even though they are inside of me. Aaron is much more active and aggressive than James. When we see them on ultrasound they are often punching each other. When we went to the specialist in Houston, James was sucking his thumb. Hannah is the greatest gift of distraction. She is walking and full of things to say, that we actually understand! At times I have cried out of fear and sadness and she has brought me a pacifier or done her first somersault. Frankly all of this has helped me appreciate life more. I appreciate Cory and our sweet girl more than ever. I am truly thankful to the Lord for both of them. Hannah brings us such joy. I have been appreciating things I have previously overlooked and receiving great joy from them. This week I am trying to commit our children to the Lord. They are gifts from Him (Ps. 127:3). This is easily done in the absence of fear. In fear, my tendency is to wrap my arms around whatever I fear; not commit it to God, and try to do what I can to fix it. I was lead to 1 Samuel; reading about Hannah and how she was barren for so long. When she conceived Samuel, she freely gave him over to the Lord, literally to Eli, to be a priest and not live with her as a normal child would. When she gave him to Samuel she said, “27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there (1 Samuel 1:27-28).

Our parents have been very supportive from a far and right here. My mother has been cleaning our house and watching Hannah. My parents have even taken her for a couple of nights so we could travel to Houston to see a specialist or specialist and so we can have some 'Cory and Laura time'. We have had people from church that we do not know or barely know bring us meals to help out.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I find myself, a doer, in a time where I can only relax and let others help me. I cannot save my boys or insure their future, but I can pray and there is power in prayer to the Lord.