All here...on the roller coaster

Where should I start? First I should thank everyone for praying for us. There are many people that I don't even know praying for us. We are grateful for them and for all of you that we know. We have definitely felt lifted up in prayer. The last two weeks have been difficult to endure, but I am sure good will come out of it later. I should also say that James and Aaron are both still with us and for that we are truly blessed.


Last Monday we went to our ultrasound. We were told we had reverse cord flow, that Aaron was more discordant in size than previously (50% smaller than James), and that he had fluid around his heart and chest wall. Our doctor's impression was that Aaron was likely in the early stages of heart failure. We were told he could possibly worsen and pass away within a few days to 1.5 weeks. It was recommended that we consider cord occlusion (cut his umbilical cord) to decrease the likelihood that Aaron's death would hurt James. I could spend a lot of time going into detail about how I/we felt, but obviously we were devastated.



We were sent to specialists in Houston on Wednesday; spending the day and a half before trying to prepare for the worst. We were not necessarily committed to a procedure. We did have to consider that if things were as bad as we were told, we had to consider the life of our other son James and the impact the death of Aaron would have on him. In Houston, we had our ultrasound and Aaron was moving up a storm. They couldn't get all of their measurements (partly because of size and partly because of movement). The doctor examined him and said, "Well, we should watch and wait." I shot right up and asked, "What?" We had a consultation and were told Aaron appears to be getting what he needs to maintain so much movement and there was no way they could get approval for cord occlusion even if we wanted it. We were told that things don't look good for Aaron since it is questionable weather or not in four weeks he will even weigh a pound. We were also told that any procedure would jeopardize James' life almost as much as not doing anything at all. Cory and I have been under the assumption (as it has been portrayed) that if Aaron passes, James has a certain outcome of death or severe neurological damage. Apparently this is the case with 25% of SIUGR, but not 75%. We left the appointment relieved and pretty happy. In most cases being told your son probably won't live wouldn't make you happy, but at least we were not forced into a position to choose to end our baby's life prematurely.


Needless to say it has taken me about five days to get past this and be in a place that I can say is positive. When I knew we had pretty serious problems, I prayed "Lord we can do this together, I am not going to complain, but my one request is that we do not have to be in a position of choosing life or death for any of my children (of course I begged the Lord for the lives of both of my unborn children to be spared)". This past Monday, we went to our ultrasound and Aaron's condition had not progressed. The Lord did answer my prayer because this is the last week that any procedures can be done. I cannot tell you HOW thankful we are.


This Thursday we have another ultrasound and a meeting with the neonatologist to come up with a game plan. Due to the complications, at some point conditions outside the womb will likely be more favorable than inside. Aaron's condition will be evaluated and conditions will be set determining a threshold for delivery. Please pray that we have this luxury (I could go into labor next week). Both of the boys need to develop as much as possible before entering our world to have the best shot of survival. I anticipate a 28 week goal, but we will know more on Thursday.


We are doing pretty well. Cory is very busy with work, but still helps out quite a bit. My parents have been helping us. Cory's parents will be in town for support and a pre-planned "Hannah fix" this week. Thankfully I feel strengthened by the Lord, and there is no other way to explain it. Yesterday I didn't think I could show up to another ultrasound fearing bad news. I definitely hit "I don't know how much more I can take". All that being said, today is a 180. I am going to be positive and continue to pray that we crush the odds. Today I started to get excited that we could see our boys in as little as a month. Obviously I don't want them to come out sooner than what is safe, but I look forward to meeting them.


Thank you for your prayers and support. I can't imagine where we would be if God wasn't with us every step of our journey. Much Love,Laura